Totally Tyler

I AM A CHEESY DORK

1 When entertaining out-of-town guests, one of my favorite things to do is provide a tour of historical Christopher Street in the West Village, complete with a pause at the pet store to ogle the cute puppies frolicking in a fluffy bed of shredded newspaper in the...

FACEBOOK FAKERY

This past winter, under the crippling weight of a dark depression, I tried to find the words to relay to a close friend just how lonely and miserable I felt. My close friend said, “But you seem so happy on Facebook...” I don’t know why it takes a celebrity suicide to...

NOTES FROM 3 DATES

1. At one point on Saturday evening, my date told me his favorite singer is Selena. I was impressed because, let's face it when it comes to Latin pop divas, shes the OG. If it wasn't for that maid from The Goonies shooting her, she'd be a worldwide megastar. Anyway, I...

MY DEAR FELLOW WHITE PEOPLE, PART SIX

My Dear Fellow White People: In public arenas, we maneuver with a complete lack of awareness of the unnecessary space that we colonize as our own. If you’d like to see proof of this, simply hop on a city-bound LIRR train. Take note of the number of white people with...

SUGARED RIMS

I was recently asked to describe the best date I’ve ever had. One of the best dates I ever went on didn’t involve drinks at a loud bar or shaking my sweaty ass on a crowded dance floor. It didn’t include dinner and a movie or sex on a spacious balcony of a posh...

10 YEARS IN NYC

Dear 2008 Tyler, Hey Boo, it's me, 2018 Tyler! Well, I mean I'm you, but ten years from now. Does that make sense? I know you can be a little slow sometimes. Basically, I'm writing to you from the future. Freaky, right? For you, it's August 23rd, 2008, and today is...

MS. BUSYBODY

On my way to the office this morning, I walked behind a busy-body woman for an entire avenue. You know the type: an older, nosy woman with too much time on her hands, taking her morning power walk around the neighborhood. She occasionally slowed her pace to pay way...

SUBWAY TRASH FIRE

I’m bouncing down the crowded stairs at the West 4th subway station. Or at least trying to. Everyone has their phones out. The woman in front of me is contemplating 12-across on a crossword puzzle. The girl in front of her is watching Game of Thrones. I manage to...

I FAIL AT FASHION

Okay, I'll admit it: when it comes to fashion, I am clueless. Should I surrender my gay card now? Because I don't really know what's stylish or hot. I don't pay attention to the latest trends or the in-demand designers. I don't know Mossimo from Moschino and I don't...

McTHERAPY

ME: Well, I really shouldn’t be eating these Chicken McNuggets but it’s Cancer season and I’m turning 45 soon so I’m feeling especially nostalgic slash reflective and I’m haunted by all of my failed relationships so I’ve foolishly been attempting to reconnect with all...